it is a terrible machine, with gnashing teeth, i believe, to feel in me love churning for one who does not return like a tide, for one who no longer reaches out like a wave against warm, white sand. Advertisements

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it’s one of those days i can see forever and the glittering beauty slices into me because i can see forever and you aren’t there

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dream 1. 

all night long i press my body into you as though i am a flower. you can make me into something pretty and lasting, albeit one dimensional. i do not want to enter your room, yet i do and climb beneath layers to press my body into you until i wake alone.

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you were so small and fragile i felt i held your spinal column in my hand and i craved it and didnt want it and thought my soul would flee the planet all at once.

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i keep thinking i will see you and it will be like seeing you for the first time and we can start all over, fresh, like miniscule red beads of a raspberry  as they pop on my tongue. why can’t life be like that, i wonder through a veil of tears so thick the world […]

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i leave you a little every moment, but with each tiny step i look over my shoulder, think i hear your voice. you are not there. i step again. and look, and realize i hear you because you are in my bones. how i wish you were not in my bones.

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You were my precious one. I adored you. I would have done anything for you. How it slices me now, near to bone to know, I never knew who you were.

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When I learned to swim in the ocean, I was told salt keeps a body afloat. It was a statement meant for comfort, to inspire bravery, confidence. I recall it now as salt dries on my cheeks, in parched riverbeds of dusty white, and wonder will I float when it so much feels I drown?

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