dream 1. 

all night long i press my body into you as though i am a flower. you can make me into something pretty and lasting, albeit one dimensional. i do not want to enter your room, yet i do and climb beneath layers to press my body into you until i wake alone.

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you were so small and fragile i felt i held your spinal column in my hand and i craved it and didnt want it and thought my soul would flee the planet all at once.

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i keep thinking i will see you and it will be like seeing you for the first time and we can start all over, fresh, like miniscule red beads of a raspberry  as they pop on my tongue. why can’t life be like that, i wonder through a veil of tears so thick the world […]

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i leave you a little every moment, but with each tiny step i look over my shoulder, think i hear your voice. you are not there. i step again. and look, and realize i hear you because you are in my bones. how i wish you were not in my bones.

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You were my precious one. I adored you. I would have done anything for you. How it slices me now, near to bone to know, I never knew who you were.

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When I learned to swim in the ocean, I was told salt keeps a body afloat. It was a statement meant for comfort, to inspire bravery, confidence. I recall it now as salt dries on my cheeks, in parched riverbeds of dusty white, and wonder will I float when it so much feels I drown?

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You sail over me, a hawk, auburn wings outstretched in graceful embrace of sky. You think I’d know by now, this precient glide echoes other dangers. Never have I been bright enough to hide or make myself truly small; we both know I’d let you find me anyway, let you cry into my ear as […]

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What a fool I would be to allow you to hold my hand, even in my memory. What a fool I am.

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months past i tilted my face to winter’s stars and watched as my frosted pleas floated up. now it is summer. now i cannot see your name between heaven and myself, so i simply chant, done. let me be done with you.

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